Trying To Get Someone To Change? Here are 5 Things to Consider

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little change you have in trying to change others."” 

- Benjamin Franklin

I first started writing blogs in the beginning of this year with the intention to share my experience, expertise and knowledge with friends and family. Half-way through the year I decided to expand my horizons and had the opportunity to post my blogs on LinkedIn. For the last six months I have received great comments, kudos and encouragement. I have also received quite a few interesting questions and suggestions.

I took the time yesterday to go through many of the suggestions and questions people have sent me. Interestingly, about 80% of the questions or suggestions are about making someone change their ways: “Can you write about how to make your boss be more engaged?”; “How can I point out to my sister that she is spending too much money?”; “Do you have any advice on how I can make my wife listen to me?” I slightly changed the structure of the questions, but all of these questions are about making someone do something, change something or realize something. I decided to address these questions in today’s blog and provide three things anyone should consider when trying to make someone change.

Adults have years of bad habits

Most people have done things in a certain way for years. Perhaps, you have a co-worker that likes to procrastinate (and that has probably worked for him throughout his life). Or perhaps you have a sibling that has always been late – always. It’s unrealistic for you to try to change someone who has exercised certain habits throughout their lifetime and expect that you can magically turn that around in a heartbeat. By the time we become adults those habits (good or bad) are practically engraved in our DNA.

Can these habits eventually change? Absolutely, but it takes more than a few words of encouragement (or discouragement) from you to make it happen. You can’t expect things to change overnight, you can’t expect consistency, and you can’t expect immediate buy-in. From my experience, the more things you want to change about a person, the more problems you’ll have in your relationship.

Who likes to have their flaws pointed out?

Sometimes we think we’re doing a person a favor by telling them what they need to hear to make them better. This can work with some people, but not everyone is the same. Not everyone likes to hear that they’re lazy, that they need to be more responsible, that they are unorganized or that they don’t know how to be diplomatic. In fact, I can guarantee that most people know these things about themselves and you reiterating what they already know is probably not going to help.

Most people are quick to point out the flaws of others, but offer no assistance, no advice or no solutions. Additionally, it’s not what you say but how you say it that matters in many occasions. I’m sure many people would like to be less lazy, a bit more organized, or would like to know how to be more diplomatic, but how can they learn those things? Can they look up a video on Youtube on how to be less lazy? At work, this is a problem many managers have when giving feedback – they only point out the “areas for development” but don’t offer any assistance, solutions, advice or steps to development to improve those areas.

You can’t make someone change

I have finally learned that you can’t make someone change – you can only help. We get so caught up in wanting to change our employees, our co-workers, our significant other, or our children. You can’t change someone – you can only help, you can only provide support and you can only guide. Many of us want people to change but are not willing to commit, to put in the time to help others change. We get frustrated and impatient because the other person is not willing to cooperate and we give up. If you won’t invest in helping others, who will? Invest time, energy and love to help others. All you can do is help. They are the only ones that can make change happen.

Look in the mirror first

Many times we focus so much on trying to change others or trying to get others to see things our way that we never stop and look in the mirror instead. What habits do we need to change? What do we have to change about ourselves? Instead of asking, “why isn’t he listening to me?”, ask “am I listening to him?” Are you requiring patience from someone else but you are not patient yourself? Are you demanding understanding from your boss but have never tried to understand yourself? Are you taking proactive steps to change your ways? If the answer is ‘no,’ then what makes you think you can change the ways of someone else?

Be the example

Change yourself first, then help others change. You can’t make someone change unless you have gone through a transformation yourself. Change your ways first and have people take notice. This has been the only effective way I have made change in others possible. I try to hold my tongue, and demonstrate how change is possible. Every day, try to be a better version of yourself and others will eventually want to become a better version of themselves without you having to say a word, having to point out anything and (sometimes) even needing to help. Become an exemplary human being of positive change and healthy relationships. Let the obstacles and challenges test you because that is the only way you’ll know if you’ve really changed. Then, you can provide hope that change is possible in others.

Perhaps this wasn’t the type of article that you expected but my hope was to help you see things through another set of lens. Max Depree, the great American author on Leadership once said: “We cannot become what we want to be by remaining who we are.”

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.  

5 Things You Might Do Well At Work But Terribly At Home

“Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."” 
- Unknown

A few months ago I met with a friend who wanted me to help her with her finances. She felt she never had any money and she didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t asking me for money but she wanted me to go over her budget and see what things she needs to change.

After she asked me to help her, I paused for a bit and asked her a question.

“Wait a minute,” I said, “don’t you manage a multi-million budget at work?”

“Yeah, I know,” she responded, “I guess I never thought about my own budget.”

Many times we acquire great skills at work – skills we probably didn’t have before. We might have learned a bit more about finance, accounting, time management, organization, leadership, management, and teamwork or communication skills. The interesting thing is that time after time I meet someone or someone I know comes to me because they’re struggling with something personally that they might be doing well at work. Below are a few of these things many people do well at work but, for some reason, don’t do a good job at home.

Manage a Budget

As discussed in the introduction above, there are many people who manage a lot of money at work, but for some reason can’t or don’t manage their personal finances. Money management is a great skill to have and many of us have it. Use that skill to take control of your spending, your budget and your credit. Just like you spend an ample amount of time at work looking over numbers and making decisions, you should do the same at home. Make the time and effort because I can guarantee you that your money is more important to you.

Organize Yourself

I had a friend a few years ago who introduced me to his co-worker. His co-worker bragged about how organized my friend was. I was shocked. I didn’t say anything, but I knew my friend for at least 5 years and our circle of friends knew that he was awfully unorganized. My friend was messy, he never knew where he left papers and he was always late paying bills – and he was my roommate. Organization is another great skill to have. Transfer that skill to your personal life and, just like you do at work, you will become more productive.

Follow Up

As a program manager a few years ago, my goal was to acquire and retain new business for the company. Anyone that has ever worked on sales knows that following up is key to getting the sale. I did a great job at work, but a terrible job following up with friends and family. At work, I used to respond to our stakeholders in less than 24 hours. At home, I would receive a call, a voice message, a text message and you would be lucky if you heard from me. The people outside of work are very important to you, probably more important than the people you’re trying to sell to. Apply the same rules at home as you do at work. Be responsive at home, be accessible and just make sure you return phone calls.

Manage Your Time

Productivity is important at work. Many of us use an Outlook calendar to schedule our time at work and we try to stick to it as much as we can. We include meetings, tasks, projects and more meetings in our calendar. However, many of us don’t do the same with our personal life. We don’t schedule our life! Plan a date with your significant other, schedule the time when you’ll pay your bills, don’t forget your little cousin’s birthday party, and schedule some time to grow. You will accomplish more in life if you apply the same time management strategies you use at work.

Exercise Your Patience

I had a niece that used to work at a fast food chain. Anyone that has ever worked in fast food knows that you have to be very patient with the customers. My niece was always very polite, patient and professional when speaking to customers. At home though, my niece was the opposite. She hated waiting, she hated how her younger sister would nag and she couldn’t stand being at home. Patience is a great virtue. At work we become very patient with clients, co-workers and our boss. It shouldn’t be any different at home. Why does it all of a sudden change? Take the same measures and effort you apply at work to your home and you will be happier. There is no difference.

Are you a different person at work as you are at home? I always believed you should always exercise the great qualities you were given as a human being, no matter where you are. In fact, I think these qualities are much more needed at home than at work. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.  

Good or Bad? Which Inner Voice Are You Listening To?

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."” 

– Albert Einstein

Cartoons are fun. Although I am an adult now, I still enjoy watching cartoons and in case you are wondering the answer is no – I don’t have any kids. Many cartoons have an episode where the cartoon character (whether it’s Homer Simpson, Sylvester the Cat or Donald Duck) is split between doing the right thing or doing something evil. Typically, you’ll see a little devil and a little angel on the shoulders of the cartoon character.

We are no different than those cartoons. Many times we are caught in the middle, maybe not between good and evil, but between positive and negative thoughts. We go back and forth between what we should do and what we should say and many times we follow the wrong inner voice.

The Bad Inner Voice

The bad inner voice is unfortunately the voice we listen to the most. This is the inner voice that brings you doubt – “you can’t do it.” This is the inner voice that gives you discouragement – “give up.” This is the inner voice that makes you feel guilty that tells you that “this is your reality” and tries to give you reasons why things “won’t work.” This inner voice also convinces you that you are not good enough, smart enough, creative enough or passionate enough. The worst part of this inner voice is that it knows you well and it uses fear to its advantage. It convinces you that everything can and will go wrong. This inner voice is powerful and sometimes we let it get the best of us.

The Good Inner Voice

The good inner voice can be more powerful than the bad inner voice. However, sometimes we are quick to shut the door on this voice. This inner voice is encouraging – “just try it.” This inner voice can motivate you – “you can do it.” Many times, the good inner voice seems as though it’s just a daydream because it makes things seem possible that might seem impossible. The good inner voice believes in you, believes in your ability, your skill set and your intentions.

Unfortunately, we think many times that the inner voice is just a fantasy voice, a voice that paints unicorns and rainbows. So what do we do? We shut it down and listen to the voice that makes more sense to us – the bad inner voice. That’s the voice that keeps it real, right?

Remember, the good inner voice targets the heart and the bad inner voice targets the mind. You are better than you think, if not, that good inner voice would never be there. Follow your heart a little more. Which voice should you start listening to? 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.  

3 Lies You Tell Yourself Quite Often

“Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.” 

– Steve Jobs

Last week I finished facilitating a two-month training for a company in Southern California. I trained approximately 25 managers on topics such as leadership, management, communication and coaching. The managers embarked on a journey to become better managers to lead their teams to their full potential.

During our coaching session, we discussed ways to properly train, motivate and engage a team. During one of our discussions, one of the managers shared with me that he has trouble motivating people because he’s not a good motivator. In that same session, another manager said how difficult it was to train her employees because she has no patience.

These comments are very typical for managers to say and are comments we tell ourselves quite often. I responded to these comments from the managers with a simple question: ”who told you that?”

Many times we convince ourselves that we are a certain way or we can’t do a certain thing. We think other people believe these things about us and we unfortunately use other people’s comments to confirm what we already believed about ourselves. These are lies, though. Time and time again I see people breakthrough these lies. Below are three common lies that hold us back.

I am not good enough

Many times, managers (or people in general) make comments such as “I am not a good motivator,” “I am not a good public speaker,” or “I’m just not good with numbers.” People are just not born motivating others or knowing how to speak in public. These are skills that can be learned and applied with time. Instead of telling yourself lies, ask yourself these questions:  

• How can I become better
• What can I change about myself to become better?
• How can I change? Am I willing to change?

You are good enough. In fact, I can guarantee that you’re better than you think. There is a lot of untapped talent and potential if you just get passed those lies you invented.

I can’t do that

The word can’t is one of the worst words you can use in your vocabulary. “I can’t resist chocolate,” “I can’t find time to go to the gym,” and “I can’t make it on time because I live far,” are the most common lies you can tell yourself. These are our favorite excuses and the word can’t is supposed to make it seem as though there is an external force out of our control that won’t allow us to overcome these obstacles.

Instead of always relying on the word ‘can’t’, substitute that word for the question, “How can I…?” For example, “how can I lose 15 lbs?”, or “how can I make time to go to the gym.”

Force yourself to find solutions instead of making excuses. You can do anything and I can, once again, guarantee that you have overcome obstacles in the past that not too many people could. You are stronger than you think.

That’s just not me

By now, you have a pre-conceived notion of who you are and who you are not. You have convinced yourself that you are not patient, you are not a leader, you are not assertive or that you are not joyful. I believe we have all these qualities inside of us and many times we actually utilize these qualities. For example, have you ever waited an hour in LA traffic? That’s patience! Yes, some people are more patient than others, but many times we are the ones that choose what quality we do or don’t exercise. Therefore, any time that our job or our family requires our patience, for example, we tend to run away and choose not to exercise our patience.

You possess great qualities in a human. You have the power to think, act and become anything. You can be a strong leaders, a patient parent, a loving boss, a joyful employee, an assertive project leader and an empathetic colleague. You just choose not to focus on those qualities you need. You can become anything you want, but you must convince yourself first.

Sometimes are jobs or our personal lives force us to be something we’re not. Perhaps you weren’t so responsible before but your career forced you to be responsible. I can guarantee (my last guarantee) that who you are now is not the same person who you were 5 years ago, and it won’t be the same person who you will 5 years from now. Who do you want to be? Do you want to be extraordinary or a person who keeps believing your own lies?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.  

5 Things To Be Thankful For At Work

“Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining - it bores everyone else, does you no good, and doesn't solve any problems.” 

– Zig Ziglar

About a month ago I met with a friend and we had a long conversation about our jobs. My friend, disappointed, complained about the job he’s been doing for almost 10 years and described the work he does as “terrible.”

“My boss is a jerk,” my friend exclaimed,”and they work us like crazy.” He summarized the rest of his conversation with the words “it sucks.”

I looked at my friend and asked him if there was anything he liked about the job. He pondered a bit and came up with a few things he liked about his job. I followed up with a second question: is it really that bad?

I feel as though many people like to play the ‘victim’ at times and would rather prove why their job is worse than someone else’s. My perspective is quite different because I’ve been homeless, jobless and broke all at once so I cherish certain things that others might not (Read How I Survived With $11 In My Pocket). Here are at least five things to be thankful for at work:

Be thankful you have a job – Is not having a job really much better than having the job you currently have? Be thankful you are currently employed and receive a pay check every month. Some people might not have that privilege.

Be thankful you have work – It is one thing to have a job and another thing to have plenty of work to do. Having a lot of work, or a lot of business, is good. It provides you with stability.

Be thankful for the people you work with – Sometimes the job requires long hours and you might see your co-workers more than you might see your wife. Be thankful for the comraderies, joy and experience you share with your team.  

Be thankful you’re learning – I can almost guarantee that the person you were when you first started working wherever you are is no longer the person you are now. You’ve grown professionally and will continue to learn. Be thankful for that opportunity.

Be thankful for the challenges – When your day becomes more challenging, you become stronger. Without challenges there is no effort, no growth and no strength. Be thankful that you have been challenged physically and/or mentally and you are a smarter, stronger person.

There are other things to be thankful for. Make sure to show your gratitude at work this week and reflect on the positive things your job has to offer. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way. 

Still Re-Training Your Employees? Is It A People Problem Or A Training Problem?

“Nothing will work unless you do” – John Wooden

So you trained this person at least six times on how to complete this report and it’s still not the way you want it? I didn’t say this out loud as I was really trying to listen to the issues one of the manager was having with her team. Apparently, she feels that she spends most of her time re-training people on things they should already know. I’ve heard these comments from managers before though. There is re-training on how to make proper phone calls, servicing customers, updating systems or using technology.

Throughout my career I had the opportunity to develop training programs, develop staff members and work on professional development with different groups. Currently, as part of the Leadership Build group, I have the blessing to lead corporate trainings for different companies in multiple industries and I hear the same comments from different managers from different organizations working in different industries. After hearing out the managers I typically ask this question: do you think this is a people problem or a training problem? Can you guess what the typical response is?

Most managers believe they did all they could to train a person or a group of people properly. They claim that they already “told” their team multiple times how to do it. Some might even claim that they specifically “showed” the group how to do something. However, many times, the problem isn’t the group being trained. How do I know this? I was one of those managers. Before giving any consultation, I always dig deeper to find out the root cause of this particular issue.

How Effective Is The Trainer?

Most managers are not trainers. Most managers are also not teachers. Most managers have never been taught how to train or how to teach. This doesn’t mean that there might be some managers that successfully train their team or lead their team, but it is very difficult to find a manager that can manage multiple tasks, lead a group of people, train them, coach them, meet all targets, be empathetic, meet all deadlines and think outside the box to improve a process. We are asking for a lot in managers.

Most of the companies I have worked with do not have a process to effectively evaluate the trainer. Most managers or trainers are left to figure out how to train their employees. Therefore, most managers might put a few powerpoint slides together, or decide to just stand in front of a room and talk. Talking is not training. An effective trainer facilitates the entire process, checking for understanding and has specific goals to achieve during the training. Did the trainer communicate well? Did the trainer show, taught, explained or discussed the content of the training? Was the trainer prepared? Did the trainer give specific examples? Many times, we don’t ask these questions to really understand how effective our trainers might be.

How Effective Is The Training Program?

Similarly, most internal training programs are not evaluated. Many companies do their own training and cross their fingers afterwards, expecting employees to perform per expectations. This might work in certain instances, but many companies I have consulted with struggle as their company grows. The tiny training given at the early stage of the company’s lifespan might have worked, but as the company and industry grow or change, the training requires more structure, standardization and quality. Recycling trainings year after year might not work at this point. These were three characteristics not thought of during the early stages of the company’s training.

Therefore, it is important to ask the efficacy of the training program. Notice that I included “program” after the word training. Most sports teams and successful corporations have a training academy or training program. Training is not a one-time thing. Is there follow up after the training? Was the training adaptive? Was there a reason the training was done in-person as opposed to online? Are we seeing results immediately following the training? Was everyone trained? Are there any learning gaps that might need to filled?

In the end, if you can positively answer all my questions throughout this article regarding your training and you know your trainer and the training program is effective (since you have seen positive results in the majority of the people trained), then maybe we can look at the people problem. Just remember: a heavy focus on developing your people will pay off.

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way. 

What Will Your Attitude Be Like Today?

"You can be happy or mad."

- My mother

There are many things I remember about my childhood. I remember trips we took, soccer games I played and things my mom did or said. For example, my mom loved her chancla (sandal). She not only used them to walk around the house but she would use it as a threat if you did something wrong. Her aim was so good she could hit anything from a mile away.

Besides her chancla, I remember my mother’s words. As a kid, I would pout about the advice my mom was giving me or the guidance she would provide. Whenever I was angry about something, my mom would say in Spanish, “puedes contentarte o enojarte – como tu quieras.” This translates to “you can be happy or mad, it’s up to you.”

We might not think of our attitude as a choice but it truly is. Attitude is a lever we have inside us that we can actually control. Anyone can tell what mood you’re in. They can tell by your body language, your choice of words and, more importantly, your face. Your attitude will control the rest of your body and mind, but you must control it first. John C. Maxwell said, “people may hear your words, but they can feel your attitude.”

The interesting thing about our attitude is that it’s contagious. If someone is having a bad day it can also get to us. However, if you bring joy to your office or your department it can also get to those around you. Attitude is something powerful. Think about the times you might have had someone at work or in your home nagging, complaining, bitter or depressed. Doesn’t it fill the atmosphere in the room or in that place?

You will decide what your attitude will be today. You have the power to control it. Will you shine in positivity, smiles and joy or will you drown others with your unpleasant attitude? Like my mother said, “it’s up to you.”

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Is The Glass Half-Empty or Half-Full? 3 Tips To Help You Become More Positive

"Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're right!."

- Henry Ford

I took my first philosophy class in college when I was 18. One weekend, I thought I would enlighten my nieces and nephews, who were between 11 and 13 years old at the time, with some questions to ponder. I filled up a glass half-way and asked them the question: is the glass half-full or half-empty?

“Full?” One of my nieces asked.

“Actually, I think it’s more than half-way full,” one of my nephews comments.

I stopped them at once to try to explain what the question meant and how it reflected the point of view people might have on life. I thought I clarified things a bit more, but shortly after, one of my nieces asked, “…so did we get it right?”

It’s difficult to change the perception of adults. Adults have too many years of negative thoughts and bad habits under their belt that it makes it difficult to change their ways or become more positive. Yes, it’s difficult for someone to be 100% positive 100% of the time, but having a positive mind set will completely change your life.

Noticed that I said that it’s difficult, not impossible to change the perception of adults. There are ways to think more positively and below are just a few that have helped me personally.

Change your vocabulary

Have you noticed if you commonly use negative words like ‘can’t’, ‘impossible,’ or ‘no’? This is a habitual vocabulary that you developed over time that can be reversed. Below are some examples of how you can change the words you use. Make sure you make it a routine to change your vocabulary.

Negative comments	Positive comments
I can’t do that	How can I do that?
That’s impossible	How can I make it possible?
I’m not good enough	How can I get better?

Surround yourself with positive people

There are certain people that can be easily influenced by others. This could be a bad thing if the people influencing you are negative. Negativity and positivity is contagious. Surround yourself around people who will influence you in a good way and who believe in you. If you can’t think of anyone, it might be time to find a new crowd.

Focus on accomplishments

Most of the time we focus on what we could have done better or what we need to improve and completely forget the things we’ve done well. Start a log, a journal or a diary where you can write down your accomplishments for the week. (Read Can You Answer This OneSimple Question About Last Week?). I typically do this on Friday. On Fridays, I think back and try to come up with at least 3 accomplishments I had for the week. This routine has helped me in two ways: (1) I feel more accomplished and (2) I now think about what I want to accomplish for the following week.

There is no right way to become a positive thinker. All it takes is some effort and consistent habits to see a glass that is half-full.  

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

3 Ways To Measure Your Success

"Success is a journey rather than a destination."

- John C. Maxwell

When I was in High School I played varsity soccer as a striker. During one of our tournament games our team fell apart making mistake after mistake and not working together to win the game. Some of my teammates yelled harshly at each other because they weren’t passing the ball and one of my teammates said he didn’t want to play with us anymore. Despite our issues, we ended up winning the game 3-2 and advanced to the semi-finals.

As I began to take ownership of my professional development a few years ago, my mindset changed about what it meant to be successful. Do you only achieve success through winning? What if you won a game but played terribly?

I stumbled upon a book about leadership in the bookstore on my way to Texas a few years ago and I fell in love with the author’s words. John C. Maxwell changed my perception about success, leadership and other aspects of life. I learned from him that success is not a destination, but more of a journey and there are three key factors that will define your success.

Success is…knowing your purpose in life

We were all created for a purpose in this life. Knowing your purpose is not only self-fulfilling but it’s the answer to ‘why are we here.’ According to Maxwell, there are four questions that will help you get closer to an answer:

• For what am I searching?
• Why was I created?
• Do I believe in my potential?
• When do I start?

Success is…growing to reach your maximum potential

If you agree with Maxwell that success is more of a journey instead of a destination, then you can see why growth is a huge part of success. Many times we might feel like we’re growing professionally but that there is no end result to get to. This is actually a good thing! When we stop learning, we stop growing. As Maxwell would say, “our potential is probably our greatest untapped resource.”

Success is…sowing seeds that benefit others

Success isn’t accidental and most successful people never became successful by themselves. Success typically comes with help from others. As Maxwell, plainly puts it, “It’s been said that we make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.” Don’t forget those that have helped you on your path to success and don’t hesitate to lend a hand to others in need.

Playing soccer in my younger years made me believe that winning was everything and only through victories would I be able to achieve success. Now, I have learned that success is not a trophy or a medal. Success is more than that. Enjoy the ride. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Know The First Step To Become Successful

"In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than  your fear of failure."

- Bill Cosby

A few years ago I made a goal for myself. My goal was to make it a habit to read one book every month. Eventually, some of the books turned into audiobooks, but I still stayed true to my goal even to this day. In the early months of my goal, I read books about successful people and tried to figure out how they became successful so that I can follow their footsteps. Book after book, I learned about different successful people and their “secrets” to success.

As I read more and more books, I realized something I didn't realize early in my career. The books I read were great, but there was one huge problem I encountered. I felt as though I followed a certain trend after reading each book. Each book pumped me up to do something the book said I should do but I was going nowhere. Yes, the books helped me with my career but they didn't necessarily help me solve my huge problem.

The Definition of Success

What was my huge problem? I realized that I never defined the word success. I didn't know what success meant to me. Before I continued on my path to nowhere, I decided to sit down and think about what success really meant in my life. What was it that I was striving for?

People have a different definition of success. Some people believe money is everything and how much money they make defines their success. Other folks look for happiness. In fact, I've met a lot of people who have said that they define success as how happy they are. Many people might define success as living your ultimate lifestyle. In other words, you can pretty much do whatever the heck you want. I can go on and on about the different ways success is defined but my goal at the time was not to follow someone else’s definition. My goal was to come up with my own.

How Do You Define Success?

As I continued to read and discover what success meant to me, I realized that defining success was the first step to becoming successful. How would I become successful if I never knew what success was? I also realized that this whole time I was defining success the way a book defined it but never the way I wanted to define it.

If you've never thought about your own definition of success, maybe it’s time to start now. How would you define success? Is it providing for a family or achieving a dream? Is it more spiritual than tangible? It might take you days or even years to define it, but, as I discovered, it is a step closer to getting to your final destination. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Can You Answer This One Simple Question About Last Week?

"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I'm about to do today?"

- Steve Jobs

I learned a lot of valuable lessons when I first became a manager. Books kept me motivated and informed and articles allowed me to adjust and learn. I used to lead team meetings on Mondays and prepared slides and agendas during weekends so that I can get the team ready for the week. I wanted to build a positive culture with the team and during our meeting so I began to implement a few things that I thought would assist with my objective. What was my great idea? It was one simple question.

I was shockingly stumped when I asked the group this one simple question and no one was able to answer me. For two Mondays in a row the group had difficulty answering my question and I realized that this was something most people have difficulty answering.

What was the simple question I asked? It was this question: What three things did you accomplish last week? That was it. I wanted to know three accomplishments from each individual. I wanted to create a culture where we discussed things that we’re proud. However, it seemed as though most people in our group didn't think much about their accomplishments and most of them couldn't even remember what they did the week before.

Every week we go through a busy schedule and time passes us by. We might be working ten hour days when all of a sudden the weekend arrives. Yet, we never stop to ask ourselves if the things we are doing are adding value to our lives. Are the things keeping us busy throughout the week, things that are getting us one step closer to accomplishing our goals or are they just things that keep us busy?

Can you answer my question: What three things did you accomplish last week? Can you come up with three things or can you only think of one? 

Eventually, I made this question a part of our meeting for the next few years and it created a culture of self-reflection and positivity. Sometimes, someone would say that they didn’t have any accomplishments but I would push them to think of something, anything, and eventually something came to mind. It’s crucial to develop a healthy habit of self-realization, especially when it comes to your success. Yes, there are many things you could have done better last week, but there are certain things you did well. Be proud of your accomplishments. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Ali Baba And Other Inspiring Stories That Sound Like Fairytales

"When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you."

- Jiminy Cricket from the movie Pinocchio

"...and they lived happily ever after." As a kid, it seemed like every story I read had a happy ending. In the end, the prince and the princess find each other and they lived happily ever after. It seemed like every story had the same ending.

You can say that we love the fairy tales because it helps us get away from reality and some of the struggles we might be going through. Even stories I would read in school about George Washington and Abraham Lincoln seemed like a fantasy. Martin Luther King Jr. sounded like a hero I could never be. However, as time flew by, new stories seemed to emerge with new characters and the stories seemed a bit more real.

Ali Baba
For a few weeks now, the company Ali Baba has created a huge buzz with its claim for the largest global IPO ever. The story though started many years ago with its founder, Jack Ma, who is now the richest man in China. According to Jack's testimony, before he created Ali Baba, he invited 24 friends to his house to discuss this "idea" he had about a business opportunity. Out of those 24 friends, 23 of them told Jack Ma how terrible his idea was and that it would never work. Later, even his family opposed the idea. Only one person encouraged Jack Ma to try it anyway. The rest, as we know it, is current history.

The Guy Who Only Works 4 Hours A Week And Does Everything He Wants
I must admit, I am a huge Tim Ferris fan. His book, The 4-Hour Workweek was one of the few book I actually read twice. Many people reading this blog have probably never heard of Tim Ferris and probably because he just sounds like a regular guy and he's not super famous and making tabloids. However, his story is fascinating. Tim Ferris went through the motions just like us, working ridiculous hours, trying to make money and do something with his life. With his outside-the-box thinking, Tim got to the point where he was able to travel around the world for months (not just on a one week vacation), learn how to tango in Argentina, compete in a world competition for mix martial arts and do all of this by only working a few hours a week. 

The Maverick
Mark Cuban is now known for many things, but mostly for winning an NBA championship as the Dallas Maverick's owner, but also for starring in the hit show Shark Tank. What most people don't know is that Mark's story before his fame. For many years, Mark lived with his buddies in an apartment where he had to sleep on the floor every night and lived off of sandwiches while he was trying to find success. His perseverance and hard work eventually paid off, but many of us just see the Mark on TV. There is more to this man than meets the eye.

I can go on with true stories that will drive inspiration but there is one common theme among all stories today. Each person decided what their ending would look like. Each one of these men fought hard and eventually found their "happily ever after." Even when the odds were stacked against these men and there was no support, they still kept going because they believe they can write the following chapters of their lives.

How are you focusing on your happy ending? Is your drive strong enough to make your own success or are you letting circumstances drag you down?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Do You Feel Like Your Drowning? Everything Will Be OK...

"If it can't get any worse, give it one last shot. Wait until the wind blows in your favor."

- Enrique Bunbury from the song El Viento A Favor

When I was a teenager, my family and I went to the beach here in Southern California. The water seemed calm so my nephew and I went in the water walking and walking until the water was barely covering our belly buttons. The water wasn't too shallow that day because there were many people still in front of us, at least 30-40 feet further away. So, my nephew and I kept going deeper in the ocean. 

After only taking a few steps forward, my feet weren't touching the bottom of the ocean any more. I couldn't understand why if there were still so many people ahead of us, so I though I might have stepped on a spot that had a hole or something. The waves came and were pulling me more and more into a section where my feet couldn't touch the ground. I looked around and I saw people close to me where the water only went up to their chest. Why was this happening to me? I glanced at my nephew and although the water was up to his neck, he seemed super calm. 

The waves kept coming and kept taking me with them. This time, I was really struggling. The lifeguard got up from his seat and looked at me for a while. I wasn't sure whether to wave him down and ask for help or just wait until this passes by. The lifeguard probably thought I was playing around because no one else was in trouble. The time seemed to go on forever and I began to swallow the ocean's water. I kicked and kicked and nothing. I was too tired and the waves were too strong. I was so tired that now I couldn't wave my hand to ask for help so I was about to say goodbye to the world and drown. Finally, I decided to give it one last shot and out of nowhere I got this burst of energy to kick as fast as I could. I almost felt like an angel came to my rescue and put me in safe waters.

After kicking my life away, I was able to touch the bottom of the ocean and, without looking back, I walked out of the water and dropped my body to the sand. My nephew followed behind me. 

Out of breath, I said to my  nephew, "You're not going to believe what just happened to me!" I gasped for air to continue. "I was actually drowning this whole time...I couldn't touch the floor...I was drowning!"

I looked over at my  nephew and my nephew responded, "Really? Me too!" My nephew, also gasping for air explained how he went through the same experience I went through. He even said that when he looked at me, I looked so calm and the water was only up to my neck. We were both drowning together and we didn't even know it. 

Sometimes we might feel like we're drowning. We might be struggling with our marriage, at work, with our kids or with money and it seems like a never ending story. We think about how we got into a mess in the first place, regret our choices but still continue to struggle. Then, when it seems that things can get better, they actually get worse.


Many times, you might think others don't have troubles or issues, but they might be struggling in their own way too. It's never a bad time to lend a hand, or to reach out to someone to see how they're doing. Like the story of my funny near-death experience, you never know what others are going through unless you ask. 

No matter what you might be going through right now, whatever struggles keep you up at night, don't give up. Stay the course. Keep your hopes up. Pray. Ask for help. Whatever you do, don't call it quits. Everything will be OK in the end and you'll have a great story to tell. You don't get strength by having an easy life, you get stronger by persevering through life's challenges. Don't give up. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.