The 5 Love Languages - Which One Is Your Love Language?

"Love is a choice you  make everyday."

- Gary Chapman

A few years ago a friend of mine pretty much went broke trying to impress a girl. He bought her flowers, candy, a bracelet, a purse and would take her to dinner all the time. After a few months of dating, the girl decided that there was someone else for her out there and she went with some other guy. My friend was devastated and didn't know what he was doing wrong.

In 1995, Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages. As a marriace counselor, (just like me, Read How I Accidentally Became A Marriace Counselor In One Month) Mr. Chapman worked with hundreds of married couples, trying to help them get through their struggles. His theory revolutionized the way we think abou love. According to Mr. Chapman, there are five love languages and each person has a primary love language. Let's take a look at the different love languages and see if you can identify your own.

Words of Affirmation
To some people words are extremely powerful, much more than any gift, money or act of kindness. If this is your love language, words mean a lot to you. You would rather here an "I'm proud of you" than get a gift from someone. Hearing the words "I love you" and listening to why you are loved mean the world to you. Words affirm your confidence and confirm the love someone has for you. At the same time, you demonstrate your love to others through words. Similarly, negative words or the lack of words someone gives you can be like a dagger to your heart. 

Receiving Gifts
Most men believe women just love receiving gifts. I assume my friend believed that to be true about the girl he liked, which is why he showered her with gifts. If this is your love language, you not only love to receive gifts (big and small) but you also love to give gifts. You also put a lot of meaning to gifts and probably keep certain gifts for a very long time because of its meaning. You treasure gifts from certain occasions and you feel plenty of joy when you receive gifts. Since this is your primary language, you also love to give gifts to show your love or appreciation to others. You put a lot of thought into what you're going to give someone and probably spend too much time figuring out how to wrap the gift. Every detail in a gift is important to you. 

Quality Time
There are those who love gifts, those who love words, and those who love spending quality time with their loved ones. They don't need words to express themselves or gifts to show love. If quality time is your love language, then you love one-on-one time with people. You love having those intimate, personal conversations and like to be with someone face to face for quite some time. You value the time you have with someone and look forward to every minute. You also hate when your quality time is interrupted. 

Acts of Service
If you come from a more "traditional" upbringing, then Acts of Service could be your love language. If acts of service is your love language, then you love it when people do things for you, particularly your loved ones. You love it when people follow through on their promises and fulfill their responsibilities. You believe your partner should wash the car, take out the trash and help out around the house. That's how you know your partner loves you. Chores are very important to you and maintaining a happy home is very important to you. You like the acts of kindness from others whether is helping you with something, repairing something or cleaning something for you.

Physical Touch
Non-verbal communication is extremely important to someone whose love language is physical touch. You get a good feeling inside when someone gives you a hug, taps you on the back for doing a good job or if your loved one holds your hand without asking. You love kisses and you love to show your affection to others. You hate physical neglect and the absence of someone's touch kills you inside.

According to Mr. Chapman, everyone has a primary love language and a secondary love language. Although you might think you have, or know, all five love language, there is always one that will stand out to you. Which one do you believe is your love language?


Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Working Hard Or Hardly Working? 3 Simple Tips That Will Improve Your Emotional Bank Account At Work

"Happiness is realizing how awesome the people around you are."

- Unknown

I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine who is a manager at her company. She manages about 10 people in her department but she felt a little down because the productivity of her employees was decreasing and she was feeling the pressure. You can tell this was getting to her because she was losing hope that things would get better. Before giving any advice, I tried to understand what was going on by asking questions. When I asked her what she believed was the problem she told me that she no longer had a budget for incentives so her team had no reason to get motivated.

As I continued to ask questions, her replies were similar. She truly believed that the biggest problem was a money issue. She felt that money motivated her team and if there was no money there was no motivation. This is a very common assumption for many managers and employers. Although many people are motivated by money, money will not solve all problems. 

I've been in a situation like her's a few years ago and it took me a while to find out that the problem wasn't money, a budget or incentives. The problem was me - the manager. I self-reflected on my daily routine, my habits, my words and I was able to change things around without having to make any monetary changes. The tips I'm about to share with you are simple and although they might seem too simple, they truly do work. I wish I knew about the Emotional Bank Account back then (Read Your Emotional Bank Account - When Was The Last Time You Checked It?).

Greet Everyone & Say Hello
As a person who is very ambitious and likes to be very focused, I used to come into the office and go straight to my desk to work and knock out a lot of things early. I later learned about the art of saying hello. Yes, I had to learn this because I didn't think this made a difference. I assumed everyone was like me and they just wanted to get their work done. I changed my routine and every morning as soon as I got to the office I spent a few minutes just greeting everyone, saying hello and asking how they were. Sometimes it even took me 45 minutes to get to my desk because someone wanted to talk, vent or discuss something with me. I prioritized the greetings before my own work and it made a huge difference in the working relationship I had with my co-workers. I didn't know it at the time, but I was making a lot of deposits by doing something as small as saying "hello." Do you say "hello" to people in your office, even if they're not in your department or do you just go straight to your desk and do your own thing?

Recognize & Praise
Before I became a manager I had very strong relationships with the people around me who I would later manage. I always thought that it was the boss' responsibility to praise and recognize but that is actually not true. I think this is a responsibility that we should all have regardless of our title. I recognized my co-workers for their good work and praised them for their hard efforts when things were tough. Little by little camaraderie developed along the way and when I eventually became their manager it was a smoother transition than I thought. As a manager, giving feedback is extremely important, but is the feedback you give only to correct others? Many managers feel as though they only need to talk to their employees when they are doing something wrong. This is not true. All managers need to have a strong balance with the feedback they give, good or bad. I have personally found that recognition and praise is a very powerful tool when used properly. Are you recognizing your co-workers or your employees (even your boss) or do you only go to them when there is something wrong?

Help
Many people at work come with the attitude that they can't do more than what they're asked for because they're not getting paid enough. With that mentality, you won't get far. Before I became a manager I raised my hand for any project,  especially if it had to do with helping my team. Sometimes I did take on more than I could chew, but if I wasn't there to help my team, they would have had to carry a lot of weight on their shoulders. As a manager, helping is also a crucial responsibility that many managers don't want to do. Yes, rolling up your sleeve is one way to be an in-the-trenches manager that can earn a lot of respect from your employees, but there are other ways that you can help your team as a manager. As a manager, are you helping your employees become better or are they not growing under your leadership? Many times we feel that as managers our job ends when we give directions or advice. However, many times the biggest help we can give someone is an honest effort to understand where our employees are coming from. How are you helping others at work? Are you helping at all or are you just about yourself?


The best thing about the tips I shared is that they don't cost a single dime! Incentive programs are great but they won't resolve issues and many times they give others a feel of entitlement that they earned something when it might just be part of their job. If you summarize my tips, you'll find out that the way to build strong relationships and become rich in your Emotional Bank Account is to do something simple: Forget about yourself and put others first. It's simple, but very hard to do. Enjoy your weekend. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

3 Ways To Avoid Withdrawing Too Much From Your Emotional Bank Account

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

- Stephen Covey

Two days ago our internet stopped working in our office. We waited a few minutes to see if it would come back and after 30 minutes we made a phone call to Verizon. Verizon told us they couldn't help us because it was a router issue. An hour passed by and we had our staff just waiting to see what we would do. We had to get the internet back because we were behind on our work. Since we no longer have an IT person, we were on our own to figure this out.

The Operations Manager and I went to the router and just saw wires and buttons. We did what any other person would do under these circumstances: we started pressing buttons and moving wires. If there was a button that had a light on or off we would press it. I've never pressed so many buttons in my life! We turned switches off and on or unplugged them and then plugged them back in to see if that would help. The next morning we had someone take a look at what we did. It turns out, we made matters worse because we completely wiped out the router. 

As we've been discussing the importance of our Emotional Bank Account (Read Your Emotional Bank Account - When Was The Last Time You Checked It?), it's not only good to know how to make more deposits, but also how to make less withdrawals. Sometimes we continue to press the wrong button in a relationship and that button has a big red withdrawal label. My intention is to help you make less withdrawals.

Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood
Sometimes we can be very selfish. We want our needs to be ahead of someone else's. During a conversation or a meeting, we want others to understand us more, but we don't put in the effort to understand others..Are you trying to understand other people? Are you trying to help others? Practice the art of listening and understanding. Practice the art of being engaged. 


Examine Your Attitude
Attitude is extremely important. What is your attitude contributing to a relationship? Negativity (aka withdrawals)? Do you bring smiles to your relationships? Do you motivate others or do you crush their dreams? Last week I wrote about true friendship and your circle of influences (Read Valuable Lessons From My Mom: You Are What You Eat And You Who You Hang Around With). Are you the one encouraging others or the friend that believes nothing is possible? Or, plainly, are you the 'angry' one in the relationship or the 'sad' one, the 'jerk' or the 'unmotivated' one. Or, depending on the conversation, are you just 'pressing' the wrong buttons purposely?

Make Promises and Keep Them
Sometimes, we don't want to commit to things with someone because we don't want to let them down. Therefore, we say things like "I don't want to say 'yes' because I have a lot going on" or "I don't want to give you a time." Although you think you might be doing the other person a favor by not making any promises, you are actually missing out on some good deposits. Additionally, the more you do this, the more likely it will become a withdrawal from your Emotional Bank Account. Start by making a simple promise and keeping it. Practice making that small deposit first. Then, continue getting into the habit of making promises and following through. Trust is everything in a relationship. Make others trust you.

Relationships will always be a work in progress. How are you avoiding making too many withdrawals from your relationships? Are you contributing to your relationships or pressing the wrong buttons and wiping out your Emotional Bank Account?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

7 Exceptional Ways To Invest In Your Emotional Bank Account

"When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion."

- Dale Carnegie

They say a dog is a man's best friend. Even before you get out of the car, your dog knows it's you because he heard you pull up to the driveway. As you look for your keys you hear your dog barking with excitement because he's about to see his favorite person. As soon as you step into your home to greet your dog, your dog goes crazy for you. 

Why do we say that a dog is a man's best friend? I think it's because a dog submits to our wants, needs, emotions and desires. The dog is there to keep us company, get excited about seeing us and give us love and compassion when we need it. Most of the time the dog invests in our Emotional Bank Account without wanting anything in return. Do we do the same with our relationships? Are we really investing in our Emotional Bank Account or do we have way too many withdrawals? Here are seven ways you can invest in your Emotional Bank Account, most of them taken from Stephen Covey's book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People (Read Your Emotional Bank Account - When Was The Last Time You Checked It?).

1. Seek First to Understand, Then To Be Understood
Stephen Covey dedicated an entire chapter solely on the skill of listening. Next time you want to express your opinion or give advice - don't. Instead, practice the habit of listening and understanding. Put your efforts more in the "understanding" part and less on the "what should I say next" part. 

2. Attend to the Little Things
It sounds like a cliche but the little things really do count. However, do you know what those little things are? Take some time to find out what are the little things in your relationships that make a big deal? Maybe it's just one-on-one time, a conversation over the phone or a smile.

3. Keep Commitments
Trust is key to any relationship. If you're telling your wife that you'll be home at 7pm but your consistently arriving at 8pm, you are breaking a trust barrier that is important to the relationship. Respect your relationships by being on time, keeping promises and holding yourself accountable to the other person. 

4. Clarify Expectations
Miscommunication is very common. You might have said one thing and the other person thought you said something different. Always strive for clarity even if you have to be repetitive. It's better to be safe than sorry because if you're sorry you have to make a withdrawal. 

5. Show Personal Integrity
Do the right thing. That's really what integrity is all about - doing the right thing. It's those little things you sacrifice that make up huge deposits. 

6. Apologize Sincerely When Making A Withdrawal
Pride means trouble. I have yet to be convinced that pride is a good thing, especially in relationships. If you're too proud to apologize or to forgive someone, your Emotional Bank Account is about to go bankrupt. Apologize with sincerity. 

7. Be Kind
Kindness is one of the easiest ways to invest in the Emotional Bank Account of your relationships. Instead of nagging about the dishes, do them yourself. Instead of always pointing out what the other person did wrong, tell her what she did right. Kindness is simple, yet we forget to use it sometimes.

We can learn a lot from our dogs - loyalty, care, true excitement. The most important thing I learned from a man's best friend is that there is no such thing as making too many deposits in any Emotional Bank Account. Let your relationships become rich!


Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Your Emotional Bank Account - When Was The Last Time You Checked It?

"Relationships can be built only if you invest time in people"

- Katie Kacvinsky

Have you ever had that awkward moment in the car where you and your spouse might have had an argument of some sort but you're stuck together in the car for another 30 minutes? You try to somehow talk to the other person by making eye contact but you can't really make eye contact because you're the one driving so you try to think about what to say next. Then, you say what you think is the right thing but it's making matters worse! You think about pulling over to discuss what's going on, but you kind of just want to get to your destination so you keep driving hoping that the right words will come from above. Then, you hit traffic!

As I mentioned before, relationships take work - hard work (Read Want to Build Strong Relationships? Listen to Ben Affleck). Under the circumstances I described, it is important to gauge what is truly happening and how to handle these types of situations. One theory to really understand when working on relationships is the theory of the Emotional Bank Account. 

A few years ago I was introduced to an amazing book that made me self-reflect and change a few of my bad habits to develop new positive ones. The name of the book was The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. In the book, I learned many theories that I still use today, but one theory that stood out to me was the Emotional Bank Account. This is a crucial theory that can be applied to any type of relationship: your marriage, your employees, your friends. 

The concept is similar to a bank account you might have with Wells Fargo or any other bank. If you invest $200 every month towards your savings account, your investment will obviously grow. However, if you withdrawal $250 from that same account every month, you will end up in the negative. 

The Emotional Bank Account theory works in the same way. It's divided into two sections: the emotional deposits and emotional withdrawals. In any relationship, there is an Emotional Bank Account that you have with the other person. The more you contribute to the relationship with words, works, acts and love the stronger the relationship. This means that your Emotional Bank Account is getting pretty full. On the other hand, if you withdrawal too much from that Emotional Bank Account by asking for too many favors, being too demanding, contributing negativity, hate, jealousy, or anger then you might end up broke! This means that you might be feeling good about yourself in this relationship or at that moment, but the other person might be completely wiped out. This is when relationships really struggle. 

Take a moment to think about your relationships. Maybe start with your significant other or a close friend or your sister. Have you been depositing or investing into the Emotional Bank Account? How have you been contributing? Are you making more withdrawals or deposits?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

3 Distinct Ways To Maintain Healthy Relationships

"My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to make them better."

- Steve Jobs

I love reading biographies. One of my favorite books is the biography of Steve Jobs. Everyone remembers Steve Jobs as a very intense individual, very emotional and hot-headed at times. We also know Steve Jobs as innovative and sometimes genius. One thing we can't deny though, is that Steve Jobs changed the world with his apple products, his vision and his dream. 

Through the thick and thin of Steve Jobs' life, there was one thing that fascniated me about him. The way he build relationships. Yes, at times he seemed too intense and at times he seemed like a jerk but there was one thing that he did frequently that allowed him to maintain healthy, trustworthy relationships with the people he worked with. Last week I discussed  the importance of having strong relationships (Read Relationships: One Of The Best Investments) and today I want to share with you three distinct ways to maintain healthy relationships.

One-on-One Time
Sometimes we think having lunch with someone or going to the movies is a good way to spend time with someone and get to know the other person. The only problems is that many of these locations are very busy and loud. Steve Jobs used to take walks with some of his co-workers. He hated traditional meetings but loved taking a walk with someone and discussing a new product, how the other person was doing or a way to brainstorm ideas. This was one thing I learned to be valuable when maintaining strong relationships. Having a one-on-one meeting with someone to just "talk" is crucial for the development of the relationships, and sometimes for the sanity of the other person. 

Take 30 minutes to just have a one-on-one meeting with your employee or a co-worker. If you're in a relationships, take a walk with your loved one and just talk. 

Measure the Questions
As I also mentioned in one of my blogs last week (Read How I Accidentally Became A Marriage Counselor In One Month), you can measure the strength of a relationship by the questions you ask the other person. The deeper the questions you can ask the stronger the relationship. The more genuine the questions are, the better. Think about what questions you ask and the questions someone else asks you. 

In no way am I suggesting for  you to cross the line at work and start asking personal questions to your boss. The way you might want to approach this is just by asking questions such as 'how are you feeling with all these changes?,' "how has your week gone so far?," or "how is life treating you?" These might be questions we ask already, but we might want to think about how we use them. Do we use them more as rhetorical questions? If you truly want to know the answers to these questions, you will have stronger relationships simply because you care more. 

Listen 
Many times the best thing we can do in a relationship is just lend an ear. The other person might not want your advice and might not want to strike a conversation about something. The best thing you can do in most instances is just listen. 

This is a very difficult thing to do if you're like me and you want to help others by giving your two cents every time. Listening, though, is a great skill to have and I recommend practicing the balance of listening and talking. You want to make the relationship a two-way street not a one way road.

I hope my suggestions are helpful and you put them to practice very soon. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Valuable Lessons From My Mom: You Are What You Eat And You Are Who You Hang Around With

"People you choose to associate with determine a lot of where you're going in life."

- Steve Harvey

When I was a kid, I used to refer to the other kids in my school as "friends." I would come home from school and tell my mom later in the day, "my friend Jesus got in trouble at recess today and my friend Lucy had to go to the doctor and my friend from another class came to our class to read with us today." My mom would then look at me and say, "not everyone is your friend, they are your classmates." I, of course, would respond back and argue on why everyone at school was my friend.

When I got to high school I got a job at a local Round Table Pizza working part-time a few days a week. I would come home from school and say to my mom that my friend Tim yelled at a customer that day and my friend Chuck decided to call-in sick so we were short-handed. My mom looked at me again and said, "not everyone is your friend, they are your co-workers." I thought my mom was just trying to start a fight!

As I got older I thought about some of the things my mom told me and many of the things she told me that I didn't agree with. Perhaps I'm becoming more mature now and things make a lot more sense. I'm sure that if I ask my mom now as I asked her then who my true friends were, she would probably count them with both hands, nothing more. She was able to tell who my friends really were when I was younger, even though I was the one thinking everyone was my friend.

Life passes us by quickly and people come and go in our lives. However, true friends stay. A friendship is not something to take for granted. The people around you have a lot more influence than you think. Yet, a friend will not harm you or put your life in danger. A friend will not hurt your feelings. A true friend will lend a hand without thinking about it. A friend will motivate you and believe in you even if you don't believe in yourself. A true friend will give you honest feedback for your own sake. A true friend will do the right thing. 

If you have some time to do some reflection this weekend, examine those around you. Are they motivating you? Are they helping you become a better person? Are you a better person because of them? Or are they negative and depressing? Are they telling you why you can't do something instead of how you can accomplish a goal? Do they believe in having goals or do they just like the fact that you guys can go drinking on weekends?

You've heard the term 'we are what we eat'. The same applies for those that surround us. If you hang around negative people, you'll become a negative person. If you hang around unmotivated people, then there will be no need for you to be motivated. If you find out that those people are holding you back, well, then I'll tell you what my mom told me, "not everyone is your friend."


Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

How I Accidentally Became A Marriage Counselor In One Month

"Relationships require an equal amount of effort from both people."

- Unknown

I currently have 15 clients that I meet with every month. Every month, at the beginning or the end of the month I meet with people to go over their financies, budgets, plans and progress. Out of the 15 people, most of them are couples. There is an exercise that I make everyone go through during the planning phase of our sessions. I ask everyone to do two things: (1) draw a picture of what you imagine your future looking like, and (2) write down your short-term and long-term goals. 

In many cases, I ask the couples to do this assignment separately so I'll have the guy on one side drawing his picture and the lady on the other side drawing her picture. Shortly after, the couples share their picture and their goals. As of lately though, I've been thinking that this assignment is a bit intense for some couples. Sometimes the pictures are completely different, the goals aren't aligned and the conversations turn from a simple conversation to a heated argument. I guess that conversation just never came up. I then spend the next hour or so trying to mediate and help the couple cope through this discussion.

Although I jokingly say that I became a marriage counselor, I found it fascinating that certain conversations have not happened with certain couples that have been together for a long time. In no way am I being judgmental or think that my relationship is better than others. However, I do think that you can tell the strength of the relationship by the type of questions you ask each other or the type of conversations you have. This was evident when my girlfriend and I won the Valentine's Day game against the married couples (Read Relationships: One of the Best Investments). I hope I still remember by girlfriend's favorite color!

Conversations apply to other types of relationships beyond marriages. It's the same concept when dealing with your boss or your co-workers. It's the same concept when you interact with your friends or family. As I mentioned yesterday, relationships take work to build and maintain (Read Want To Build Strong Relationships? Listen to Ben Affleck). One of the best ways to strengthen relationships is by gauging the questions and conversations that you have. Are you only talking about work with your co-workers? Do you only talk about hanging out and partying with your friends? Or do you have more intimate conversations about life, your future and your struggles?

My role in all this was just to give couples financial advice and set them up with a plan to achieve their goals. It look as though I became more than that. On a positive note, I guess it's best that these conversations are happening now than never, or now than later. What type of conversations are you having with those around you?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Want To Build Strong Relationships? Listen To Ben Affleck

"I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It's good, it is work, but it's the best kind of work, and there's no one I'd rather work with."

- Ben Affleck

Last year there was a huge buzz following Ben Affleck's speech at the Oscars. He was criticized and eventually apologized for what he said. He later came out on other talk shows trying to clear things up because of what he said. What did he say?

During his speech, Ben Affleck, while thanking his wife also said to her, "...thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It's good, it is work, but it's the best kind of work, and there's no one I'd rather work with."

He apologized for that? I was giving him a standing ovation. In no way did Ben Affleck say that he hated working on his relationship with his wife. In no way did Ben Affleck even seem like he was unhappy. He only expressed that building a strong relationship takes work and he even said that, to him, it's "the best kind of work." I personally think he was complimenting his wife!

The truth is: relationships take work - hard work - if you really want to make them strong. It takes time to build strong relationships and every single moment counts. Maintaining healthy relationships is even more difficult. Yes, relationships also need maintenance. Just think about your best friend or someone you are close to. The relationship was truly built with time, with purpose and with care. However, the real relationship became strong after it was built. Many relationships are built from a common experience, conversation and trust. It takes effort to maintain a strong sense of trust in a relationship. 

These facts apply to any type of relationship that you can think of, not just a marriage. At work, you need to build a strong relationship with your co-workers so that you can collaborate and work for one common goal. If you're a manager, building trust with your team is extremely important and following through on your promises will make you a strong manager and a strong relationship-builder. No matter what type of relationship you encounter, it will take work if you really want to make it work. 

In conclusion, if you really want to build strong relationships, put in the work. I think it's a great thing that Ben Affleck has been married for 10 years and is still working on his marriage. That's how much he cares!  How are you working on your relationships?


Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Relationships: One Of The Best Investments

"Saying hello doesn't have an ROI. It's about building relationships."

- Gary Vaynerchuk

A few years ago my girlfriend and I were at a Valentine's Day party with her family. At the party, there was a very interesting competition. The host went around asking every couple a few questions about each other. She typically asked the female first a list of 15 questions and then asked the male the same questions to see which couple really knew each other. The couple with the most matching answers would become the winning couple. 

At the time, my girlfriend and I were only dating for a few years and we were competing against couples that have been married for more than 30 years. The questions didn't seem too difficult:

• Where did you and your significant other meet?
• What is her/his favorite color?
• What is her/his favorite food?
• Where was your first kiss?

To make a long story short, my girlfriend and I won the competition. We only missed one question. What was more surprising though, was that many married couples only answered a few questions correctly. That particular game almost ruined a few marriages!

When one thinks about investments, certain things come to mind first: money, stocks, real estate, etc. However, not too many people see relationships as an investment. Relationships come in all types, forms and sizes. You might have a strong relationship with your co-workers, a weak relationship with your boss and a fair relationship with your husband. Whatever the case is, most of life is built around relationships. 

Take some time to really develop relationships with the people around you. It's an investment that can't lose. Don't think about what you'll be getting from the relationship or what type of return you will be getting. The benefits might not come until much later. In fact, some relationships will disappear. However, you might not know what type of impact you can have on someone else's life. To me, that's an investment worth my time. 

Any thoughts?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Thinking About Investing? This One Single Investment Can Give You The Most Return On Your Investment

"Average people would rather be entertained than educated. Rich people would rather be educated than entertained"

- Steve Siebold

Since last year I've been taking investments courses to learn more about how to trade, invest, and retire. The instructor did something clever during one of the retirement courses.  He asked the class (which mainly consisted of middle class folks between the ages of 35-50) if anyone had a retirement plan. About half of the class raised their hand. He then asked questions to every single person who raised their hand about their retirement plan: what type of retirement plan is it? which plan do you have? how much money has it made you? what has been your ROI? As he asked these questions, most people responded with "I don't know." Out of the 20 people he asked, only one person was able to answer all of the instructor's questions.

The instructor then stepped back thought for a second and then gave us the following scenario. 

"Let's say," he said, "I have this plan that will make you money and I want you to be part of my master plan. Who's in?"

The class looked a little confused. One person raised her hand and asked, "Well, what are you going to do with our money?"

The instructor quickly answered, "I don't know."

Another person raised his hand and questioned the instructor, "Well, how much money are we going to make?"

"Don't know," the instructor immediately responded.

After a few of my classmates asked a few more questions and received the same response from the instructor of "I don't know," one person raised her hand and exclaimed, "then, why should we give you our money?"

The instructor then smiled and responded with another question, "Well, why are you giving part of your paycheck to someone when you don't even know where that money is going, how much you're making or who you're investing with?"

We all fall in the same trap. We don't really want to do our homework so we'd rather "trust" and pay someone else to do the homework for us. Some of  us might just think that all this "investment talk" is complicated so we don't want to deal with that. Some of us might just underestimate ourselves and feel as though we will never get to retire, or that we're just not smart enough to make important life decisions. Instead, we get lazy and never do anything about it. Others will just follow along with the herd.

Time to time I have people approach me or call me and ask me what I think they should do with their money. In other words, they want to know where they should invest. Should they put their money in real estate or in the stock market? They heard a buzz about gold or the Euro, should they put their money there? I will then give my so-called expert advice and try to lead them in the right direction. However, there is always one type of investment that people fail to understand that can give them the most return on their investment. If you're thinking about investing in someone, invest on this:

Yourself.

I don't mean, go to college (unless that's what you want to do) or buy a bigger house. I'm recommending that you either invest some money or time in yourself to get educated about money. Retirement, investments, your hard-earned money are very important life decisions and the best thing that I feel you can do is start there. Buy a few books (but read them), or do what I did and get some audio books and listen to them on your commute to and from work. Your skills will improve and you'll be a lot more valuable. Learn from people that do the work you want to do or are interested in doing. Look at youtube videos to get ideas or subscribe to a few blogs or articles to enhance your knowledge. This will help you really understand what you're getting yourself into if you're planning on buying investment property, or if you're planning on putting your money on a start-up company or if you want to buy stocks for a certain company. 

Some people might have the money to invest in themselves but might just not have the time. I have also 'been there, done that.' However, if this is something you really want to do or deem important, then I know you'll find a way. Get educated. Invest in yourself. 

Any thoughts? 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

401K? IRA? What Does It All Mean?

"Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials: much to live on and much to live for."
- Unknown

At some point in your career (if it hasn't happened already), you'll be glad to hear that your company offers a 401k plan. Afterwards, you jump on that opportunity because you're supposed to have a 401k and because you're supposed to start putting money away for retirement. Then you hear things such as, "you have to start young so that you can retire with a lot of money." Yet, no one will tell you how much money you really need to retire or how it all works (Read How Much Money Do You Really Need to Retire?).

I sometimes feel as though the goal of an investment firm who is trying to have you sign up for their 401k plan is to try to confuse you even more. Think about it. If you're super confused about retirement and what it all means but you know that you 'need' a retirement plan, you'll most likely get frustrated and conclude that you don't want to deal with any of this and you just want someone to do this for you. So, you sign your life away because the sales person, or financial expert, told you that they'll take care of your retirement fund and that you need not to worry. Some of you might already have a retirement plan and some have not even thought about this yet. No matter where you are in your life, it's always good just to get a little bit more information. Therefore, today I wanted to explain very simply what the difference is between a 401k and an IRA.

Both a 401k and an IRA are intended to help you save money for retirement. Both a 401k and an IRA have legal terms, tax advantages (and some disadvantages) and a lot of jargon that confuses people. Other similarities include when you can take out funds and the availability of the funds for medical expenses, a first home purchase and education expenses. In other words, depending on your plan, you can use some of the funds in your account for certain expenses only. There are quite a few differences though:

• A 401k is typically set up by an employer (or a self-proprietor); an IRA is set up by an individual, not by the company
• In a 401k the employer typically sets the terms of the plan and can select to contribute to the employees plan; for an IRA there are no matching contributions available and the terms are selected by the individual
• A 401k plan allows you to take out loans from your account if needbe; an IRA doesn't have this feature
• A 401k makes it difficult to rollover the amount to another plan (which they might typically only allow you a rollover to another 401k plan); for an IRA, it's much easier to rollover the funds to a different account
• A 401k doesn't typically include beneficiaries; an IRA does allow beneficiaries to be included 

Tomorrow, I will go over the differences between the different types of 401ks and IRAs. The question most people ask me is: which one should I choose? My answer: keep doing research until you find the right plan. Some people are so selective when choosing a TV, a house or a car but when it comes to a retirement fund they're quick to sign a piece of paper without knowing what they're signing. Here are some resources to get you started:

IRA vs. 401k - Which Is Better For You? - an article from iravs401kcentral.com, a blog that strives to educate ordinary folks on retirement plans.

Retirement Basics: IRA or 401(k)? - a Q&A-style blog from U.S. News

Comparisons of 401(k) and IRA accounts - A wikipedia table that makes it easier to make a side-by-side comparison of the different types of plans

What are the differences between a 401(k) and an IRA? - an article from investopedia.com, a website for those interested in investing

Happy research!

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.