How I Accidentally Became A Marriage Counselor In One Month

"Relationships require an equal amount of effort from both people."

- Unknown

I currently have 15 clients that I meet with every month. Every month, at the beginning or the end of the month I meet with people to go over their financies, budgets, plans and progress. Out of the 15 people, most of them are couples. There is an exercise that I make everyone go through during the planning phase of our sessions. I ask everyone to do two things: (1) draw a picture of what you imagine your future looking like, and (2) write down your short-term and long-term goals. 

In many cases, I ask the couples to do this assignment separately so I'll have the guy on one side drawing his picture and the lady on the other side drawing her picture. Shortly after, the couples share their picture and their goals. As of lately though, I've been thinking that this assignment is a bit intense for some couples. Sometimes the pictures are completely different, the goals aren't aligned and the conversations turn from a simple conversation to a heated argument. I guess that conversation just never came up. I then spend the next hour or so trying to mediate and help the couple cope through this discussion.

Although I jokingly say that I became a marriage counselor, I found it fascinating that certain conversations have not happened with certain couples that have been together for a long time. In no way am I being judgmental or think that my relationship is better than others. However, I do think that you can tell the strength of the relationship by the type of questions you ask each other or the type of conversations you have. This was evident when my girlfriend and I won the Valentine's Day game against the married couples (Read Relationships: One of the Best Investments). I hope I still remember by girlfriend's favorite color!

Conversations apply to other types of relationships beyond marriages. It's the same concept when dealing with your boss or your co-workers. It's the same concept when you interact with your friends or family. As I mentioned yesterday, relationships take work to build and maintain (Read Want To Build Strong Relationships? Listen to Ben Affleck). One of the best ways to strengthen relationships is by gauging the questions and conversations that you have. Are you only talking about work with your co-workers? Do you only talk about hanging out and partying with your friends? Or do you have more intimate conversations about life, your future and your struggles?

My role in all this was just to give couples financial advice and set them up with a plan to achieve their goals. It look as though I became more than that. On a positive note, I guess it's best that these conversations are happening now than never, or now than later. What type of conversations are you having with those around you?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.