3 Distinct Ways To Maintain Healthy Relationships

"My job is not to be easy on people. My job is to make them better."

- Steve Jobs

I love reading biographies. One of my favorite books is the biography of Steve Jobs. Everyone remembers Steve Jobs as a very intense individual, very emotional and hot-headed at times. We also know Steve Jobs as innovative and sometimes genius. One thing we can't deny though, is that Steve Jobs changed the world with his apple products, his vision and his dream. 

Through the thick and thin of Steve Jobs' life, there was one thing that fascniated me about him. The way he build relationships. Yes, at times he seemed too intense and at times he seemed like a jerk but there was one thing that he did frequently that allowed him to maintain healthy, trustworthy relationships with the people he worked with. Last week I discussed  the importance of having strong relationships (Read Relationships: One Of The Best Investments) and today I want to share with you three distinct ways to maintain healthy relationships.

One-on-One Time
Sometimes we think having lunch with someone or going to the movies is a good way to spend time with someone and get to know the other person. The only problems is that many of these locations are very busy and loud. Steve Jobs used to take walks with some of his co-workers. He hated traditional meetings but loved taking a walk with someone and discussing a new product, how the other person was doing or a way to brainstorm ideas. This was one thing I learned to be valuable when maintaining strong relationships. Having a one-on-one meeting with someone to just "talk" is crucial for the development of the relationships, and sometimes for the sanity of the other person. 

Take 30 minutes to just have a one-on-one meeting with your employee or a co-worker. If you're in a relationships, take a walk with your loved one and just talk. 

Measure the Questions
As I also mentioned in one of my blogs last week (Read How I Accidentally Became A Marriage Counselor In One Month), you can measure the strength of a relationship by the questions you ask the other person. The deeper the questions you can ask the stronger the relationship. The more genuine the questions are, the better. Think about what questions you ask and the questions someone else asks you. 

In no way am I suggesting for  you to cross the line at work and start asking personal questions to your boss. The way you might want to approach this is just by asking questions such as 'how are you feeling with all these changes?,' "how has your week gone so far?," or "how is life treating you?" These might be questions we ask already, but we might want to think about how we use them. Do we use them more as rhetorical questions? If you truly want to know the answers to these questions, you will have stronger relationships simply because you care more. 

Listen 
Many times the best thing we can do in a relationship is just lend an ear. The other person might not want your advice and might not want to strike a conversation about something. The best thing you can do in most instances is just listen. 

This is a very difficult thing to do if you're like me and you want to help others by giving your two cents every time. Listening, though, is a great skill to have and I recommend practicing the balance of listening and talking. You want to make the relationship a two-way street not a one way road.

I hope my suggestions are helpful and you put them to practice very soon. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Valuable Lessons From My Mom: You Are What You Eat And You Are Who You Hang Around With

"People you choose to associate with determine a lot of where you're going in life."

- Steve Harvey

When I was a kid, I used to refer to the other kids in my school as "friends." I would come home from school and tell my mom later in the day, "my friend Jesus got in trouble at recess today and my friend Lucy had to go to the doctor and my friend from another class came to our class to read with us today." My mom would then look at me and say, "not everyone is your friend, they are your classmates." I, of course, would respond back and argue on why everyone at school was my friend.

When I got to high school I got a job at a local Round Table Pizza working part-time a few days a week. I would come home from school and say to my mom that my friend Tim yelled at a customer that day and my friend Chuck decided to call-in sick so we were short-handed. My mom looked at me again and said, "not everyone is your friend, they are your co-workers." I thought my mom was just trying to start a fight!

As I got older I thought about some of the things my mom told me and many of the things she told me that I didn't agree with. Perhaps I'm becoming more mature now and things make a lot more sense. I'm sure that if I ask my mom now as I asked her then who my true friends were, she would probably count them with both hands, nothing more. She was able to tell who my friends really were when I was younger, even though I was the one thinking everyone was my friend.

Life passes us by quickly and people come and go in our lives. However, true friends stay. A friendship is not something to take for granted. The people around you have a lot more influence than you think. Yet, a friend will not harm you or put your life in danger. A friend will not hurt your feelings. A true friend will lend a hand without thinking about it. A friend will motivate you and believe in you even if you don't believe in yourself. A true friend will give you honest feedback for your own sake. A true friend will do the right thing. 

If you have some time to do some reflection this weekend, examine those around you. Are they motivating you? Are they helping you become a better person? Are you a better person because of them? Or are they negative and depressing? Are they telling you why you can't do something instead of how you can accomplish a goal? Do they believe in having goals or do they just like the fact that you guys can go drinking on weekends?

You've heard the term 'we are what we eat'. The same applies for those that surround us. If you hang around negative people, you'll become a negative person. If you hang around unmotivated people, then there will be no need for you to be motivated. If you find out that those people are holding you back, well, then I'll tell you what my mom told me, "not everyone is your friend."


Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

How I Accidentally Became A Marriage Counselor In One Month

"Relationships require an equal amount of effort from both people."

- Unknown

I currently have 15 clients that I meet with every month. Every month, at the beginning or the end of the month I meet with people to go over their financies, budgets, plans and progress. Out of the 15 people, most of them are couples. There is an exercise that I make everyone go through during the planning phase of our sessions. I ask everyone to do two things: (1) draw a picture of what you imagine your future looking like, and (2) write down your short-term and long-term goals. 

In many cases, I ask the couples to do this assignment separately so I'll have the guy on one side drawing his picture and the lady on the other side drawing her picture. Shortly after, the couples share their picture and their goals. As of lately though, I've been thinking that this assignment is a bit intense for some couples. Sometimes the pictures are completely different, the goals aren't aligned and the conversations turn from a simple conversation to a heated argument. I guess that conversation just never came up. I then spend the next hour or so trying to mediate and help the couple cope through this discussion.

Although I jokingly say that I became a marriage counselor, I found it fascinating that certain conversations have not happened with certain couples that have been together for a long time. In no way am I being judgmental or think that my relationship is better than others. However, I do think that you can tell the strength of the relationship by the type of questions you ask each other or the type of conversations you have. This was evident when my girlfriend and I won the Valentine's Day game against the married couples (Read Relationships: One of the Best Investments). I hope I still remember by girlfriend's favorite color!

Conversations apply to other types of relationships beyond marriages. It's the same concept when dealing with your boss or your co-workers. It's the same concept when you interact with your friends or family. As I mentioned yesterday, relationships take work to build and maintain (Read Want To Build Strong Relationships? Listen to Ben Affleck). One of the best ways to strengthen relationships is by gauging the questions and conversations that you have. Are you only talking about work with your co-workers? Do you only talk about hanging out and partying with your friends? Or do you have more intimate conversations about life, your future and your struggles?

My role in all this was just to give couples financial advice and set them up with a plan to achieve their goals. It look as though I became more than that. On a positive note, I guess it's best that these conversations are happening now than never, or now than later. What type of conversations are you having with those around you?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Want To Build Strong Relationships? Listen To Ben Affleck

"I want to thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It's good, it is work, but it's the best kind of work, and there's no one I'd rather work with."

- Ben Affleck

Last year there was a huge buzz following Ben Affleck's speech at the Oscars. He was criticized and eventually apologized for what he said. He later came out on other talk shows trying to clear things up because of what he said. What did he say?

During his speech, Ben Affleck, while thanking his wife also said to her, "...thank you for working on our marriage for 10 Christmases. It's good, it is work, but it's the best kind of work, and there's no one I'd rather work with."

He apologized for that? I was giving him a standing ovation. In no way did Ben Affleck say that he hated working on his relationship with his wife. In no way did Ben Affleck even seem like he was unhappy. He only expressed that building a strong relationship takes work and he even said that, to him, it's "the best kind of work." I personally think he was complimenting his wife!

The truth is: relationships take work - hard work - if you really want to make them strong. It takes time to build strong relationships and every single moment counts. Maintaining healthy relationships is even more difficult. Yes, relationships also need maintenance. Just think about your best friend or someone you are close to. The relationship was truly built with time, with purpose and with care. However, the real relationship became strong after it was built. Many relationships are built from a common experience, conversation and trust. It takes effort to maintain a strong sense of trust in a relationship. 

These facts apply to any type of relationship that you can think of, not just a marriage. At work, you need to build a strong relationship with your co-workers so that you can collaborate and work for one common goal. If you're a manager, building trust with your team is extremely important and following through on your promises will make you a strong manager and a strong relationship-builder. No matter what type of relationship you encounter, it will take work if you really want to make it work. 

In conclusion, if you really want to build strong relationships, put in the work. I think it's a great thing that Ben Affleck has been married for 10 years and is still working on his marriage. That's how much he cares!  How are you working on your relationships?


Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Relationships: One Of The Best Investments

"Saying hello doesn't have an ROI. It's about building relationships."

- Gary Vaynerchuk

A few years ago my girlfriend and I were at a Valentine's Day party with her family. At the party, there was a very interesting competition. The host went around asking every couple a few questions about each other. She typically asked the female first a list of 15 questions and then asked the male the same questions to see which couple really knew each other. The couple with the most matching answers would become the winning couple. 

At the time, my girlfriend and I were only dating for a few years and we were competing against couples that have been married for more than 30 years. The questions didn't seem too difficult:

• Where did you and your significant other meet?
• What is her/his favorite color?
• What is her/his favorite food?
• Where was your first kiss?

To make a long story short, my girlfriend and I won the competition. We only missed one question. What was more surprising though, was that many married couples only answered a few questions correctly. That particular game almost ruined a few marriages!

When one thinks about investments, certain things come to mind first: money, stocks, real estate, etc. However, not too many people see relationships as an investment. Relationships come in all types, forms and sizes. You might have a strong relationship with your co-workers, a weak relationship with your boss and a fair relationship with your husband. Whatever the case is, most of life is built around relationships. 

Take some time to really develop relationships with the people around you. It's an investment that can't lose. Don't think about what you'll be getting from the relationship or what type of return you will be getting. The benefits might not come until much later. In fact, some relationships will disappear. However, you might not know what type of impact you can have on someone else's life. To me, that's an investment worth my time. 

Any thoughts?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

Thinking About Investing? This One Single Investment Can Give You The Most Return On Your Investment

"Average people would rather be entertained than educated. Rich people would rather be educated than entertained"

- Steve Siebold

Since last year I've been taking investments courses to learn more about how to trade, invest, and retire. The instructor did something clever during one of the retirement courses.  He asked the class (which mainly consisted of middle class folks between the ages of 35-50) if anyone had a retirement plan. About half of the class raised their hand. He then asked questions to every single person who raised their hand about their retirement plan: what type of retirement plan is it? which plan do you have? how much money has it made you? what has been your ROI? As he asked these questions, most people responded with "I don't know." Out of the 20 people he asked, only one person was able to answer all of the instructor's questions.

The instructor then stepped back thought for a second and then gave us the following scenario. 

"Let's say," he said, "I have this plan that will make you money and I want you to be part of my master plan. Who's in?"

The class looked a little confused. One person raised her hand and asked, "Well, what are you going to do with our money?"

The instructor quickly answered, "I don't know."

Another person raised his hand and questioned the instructor, "Well, how much money are we going to make?"

"Don't know," the instructor immediately responded.

After a few of my classmates asked a few more questions and received the same response from the instructor of "I don't know," one person raised her hand and exclaimed, "then, why should we give you our money?"

The instructor then smiled and responded with another question, "Well, why are you giving part of your paycheck to someone when you don't even know where that money is going, how much you're making or who you're investing with?"

We all fall in the same trap. We don't really want to do our homework so we'd rather "trust" and pay someone else to do the homework for us. Some of  us might just think that all this "investment talk" is complicated so we don't want to deal with that. Some of us might just underestimate ourselves and feel as though we will never get to retire, or that we're just not smart enough to make important life decisions. Instead, we get lazy and never do anything about it. Others will just follow along with the herd.

Time to time I have people approach me or call me and ask me what I think they should do with their money. In other words, they want to know where they should invest. Should they put their money in real estate or in the stock market? They heard a buzz about gold or the Euro, should they put their money there? I will then give my so-called expert advice and try to lead them in the right direction. However, there is always one type of investment that people fail to understand that can give them the most return on their investment. If you're thinking about investing in someone, invest on this:

Yourself.

I don't mean, go to college (unless that's what you want to do) or buy a bigger house. I'm recommending that you either invest some money or time in yourself to get educated about money. Retirement, investments, your hard-earned money are very important life decisions and the best thing that I feel you can do is start there. Buy a few books (but read them), or do what I did and get some audio books and listen to them on your commute to and from work. Your skills will improve and you'll be a lot more valuable. Learn from people that do the work you want to do or are interested in doing. Look at youtube videos to get ideas or subscribe to a few blogs or articles to enhance your knowledge. This will help you really understand what you're getting yourself into if you're planning on buying investment property, or if you're planning on putting your money on a start-up company or if you want to buy stocks for a certain company. 

Some people might have the money to invest in themselves but might just not have the time. I have also 'been there, done that.' However, if this is something you really want to do or deem important, then I know you'll find a way. Get educated. Invest in yourself. 

Any thoughts? 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.

401K? IRA? What Does It All Mean?

"Retirement is wonderful if you have two essentials: much to live on and much to live for."
- Unknown

At some point in your career (if it hasn't happened already), you'll be glad to hear that your company offers a 401k plan. Afterwards, you jump on that opportunity because you're supposed to have a 401k and because you're supposed to start putting money away for retirement. Then you hear things such as, "you have to start young so that you can retire with a lot of money." Yet, no one will tell you how much money you really need to retire or how it all works (Read How Much Money Do You Really Need to Retire?).

I sometimes feel as though the goal of an investment firm who is trying to have you sign up for their 401k plan is to try to confuse you even more. Think about it. If you're super confused about retirement and what it all means but you know that you 'need' a retirement plan, you'll most likely get frustrated and conclude that you don't want to deal with any of this and you just want someone to do this for you. So, you sign your life away because the sales person, or financial expert, told you that they'll take care of your retirement fund and that you need not to worry. Some of you might already have a retirement plan and some have not even thought about this yet. No matter where you are in your life, it's always good just to get a little bit more information. Therefore, today I wanted to explain very simply what the difference is between a 401k and an IRA.

Both a 401k and an IRA are intended to help you save money for retirement. Both a 401k and an IRA have legal terms, tax advantages (and some disadvantages) and a lot of jargon that confuses people. Other similarities include when you can take out funds and the availability of the funds for medical expenses, a first home purchase and education expenses. In other words, depending on your plan, you can use some of the funds in your account for certain expenses only. There are quite a few differences though:

• A 401k is typically set up by an employer (or a self-proprietor); an IRA is set up by an individual, not by the company
• In a 401k the employer typically sets the terms of the plan and can select to contribute to the employees plan; for an IRA there are no matching contributions available and the terms are selected by the individual
• A 401k plan allows you to take out loans from your account if needbe; an IRA doesn't have this feature
• A 401k makes it difficult to rollover the amount to another plan (which they might typically only allow you a rollover to another 401k plan); for an IRA, it's much easier to rollover the funds to a different account
• A 401k doesn't typically include beneficiaries; an IRA does allow beneficiaries to be included 

Tomorrow, I will go over the differences between the different types of 401ks and IRAs. The question most people ask me is: which one should I choose? My answer: keep doing research until you find the right plan. Some people are so selective when choosing a TV, a house or a car but when it comes to a retirement fund they're quick to sign a piece of paper without knowing what they're signing. Here are some resources to get you started:

IRA vs. 401k - Which Is Better For You? - an article from iravs401kcentral.com, a blog that strives to educate ordinary folks on retirement plans.

Retirement Basics: IRA or 401(k)? - a Q&A-style blog from U.S. News

Comparisons of 401(k) and IRA accounts - A wikipedia table that makes it easier to make a side-by-side comparison of the different types of plans

What are the differences between a 401(k) and an IRA? - an article from investopedia.com, a website for those interested in investing

Happy research!

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.