3 Lies You Tell Yourself Quite Often

“Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice.” 

– Steve Jobs

Last week I finished facilitating a two-month training for a company in Southern California. I trained approximately 25 managers on topics such as leadership, management, communication and coaching. The managers embarked on a journey to become better managers to lead their teams to their full potential.

During our coaching session, we discussed ways to properly train, motivate and engage a team. During one of our discussions, one of the managers shared with me that he has trouble motivating people because he’s not a good motivator. In that same session, another manager said how difficult it was to train her employees because she has no patience.

These comments are very typical for managers to say and are comments we tell ourselves quite often. I responded to these comments from the managers with a simple question: ”who told you that?”

Many times we convince ourselves that we are a certain way or we can’t do a certain thing. We think other people believe these things about us and we unfortunately use other people’s comments to confirm what we already believed about ourselves. These are lies, though. Time and time again I see people breakthrough these lies. Below are three common lies that hold us back.

I am not good enough

Many times, managers (or people in general) make comments such as “I am not a good motivator,” “I am not a good public speaker,” or “I’m just not good with numbers.” People are just not born motivating others or knowing how to speak in public. These are skills that can be learned and applied with time. Instead of telling yourself lies, ask yourself these questions:  

• How can I become better
• What can I change about myself to become better?
• How can I change? Am I willing to change?

You are good enough. In fact, I can guarantee that you’re better than you think. There is a lot of untapped talent and potential if you just get passed those lies you invented.

I can’t do that

The word can’t is one of the worst words you can use in your vocabulary. “I can’t resist chocolate,” “I can’t find time to go to the gym,” and “I can’t make it on time because I live far,” are the most common lies you can tell yourself. These are our favorite excuses and the word can’t is supposed to make it seem as though there is an external force out of our control that won’t allow us to overcome these obstacles.

Instead of always relying on the word ‘can’t’, substitute that word for the question, “How can I…?” For example, “how can I lose 15 lbs?”, or “how can I make time to go to the gym.”

Force yourself to find solutions instead of making excuses. You can do anything and I can, once again, guarantee that you have overcome obstacles in the past that not too many people could. You are stronger than you think.

That’s just not me

By now, you have a pre-conceived notion of who you are and who you are not. You have convinced yourself that you are not patient, you are not a leader, you are not assertive or that you are not joyful. I believe we have all these qualities inside of us and many times we actually utilize these qualities. For example, have you ever waited an hour in LA traffic? That’s patience! Yes, some people are more patient than others, but many times we are the ones that choose what quality we do or don’t exercise. Therefore, any time that our job or our family requires our patience, for example, we tend to run away and choose not to exercise our patience.

You possess great qualities in a human. You have the power to think, act and become anything. You can be a strong leaders, a patient parent, a loving boss, a joyful employee, an assertive project leader and an empathetic colleague. You just choose not to focus on those qualities you need. You can become anything you want, but you must convince yourself first.

Sometimes are jobs or our personal lives force us to be something we’re not. Perhaps you weren’t so responsible before but your career forced you to be responsible. I can guarantee (my last guarantee) that who you are now is not the same person who you were 5 years ago, and it won’t be the same person who you will 5 years from now. Who do you want to be? Do you want to be extraordinary or a person who keeps believing your own lies?

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.