The 3 Lessons I Learned From Having An Affair

"Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."

- Unknown

For quite a few days I sneaked into my apartment trying not to make any noise. I would tell myself that this would be the last time but I've been telling myself the same thing for a few months already. I was left with guilt, remorse and I didn't know how to change my situation.

I had a bad habit of texting or calling my significant other to tell her that I would be home by 8pm but I never made it by that time. I would get home close to midnight. Things needed to change quickly or I knew I would lose the ones close to me. 

If you clicked on the header of this blog because you thought I was going to make some gossipy confessions, I'm sorry to disappoint you. The affair I felt I was having was not with someone else but with my job. Time to time I hear other people I meet that they too have spent countless hours working and haven't been able to figure out how to balance their work and their life. In a way, I'm glad I experienced this early in my career so that I can learn from it. These are the three lessons I learned from having an affair with my job:

The definition of work-life balance

Before my 'affair' I thought work-life balance meant that I should work 40 hours a week and the rest is for my own leisure. Shortly after, I began to ponder about what work-life balance really meant to me. It turns out, it means something different to everyone. To some who love what they do, working 60 hours a week and spending weekends with family works well. For others, the hours they work is insignificant - it's more about how they feel, striving for a happy, emotional balance between their work and their life. I really had to sit down and write out my thoughts about what work-life balance meant to me and what I was trying to achieve in the first place. 

It's not your company's fault - it's your fault

When work gets busy and the 'affair' occurs, we convince ourselves that the 'busy season' will soon be over. Next thing we know, just like in my story, the busy season continues and seems to be endless. It's very common for frustration to kick in and the first thing we do when we're stressed and cranky is blame others. Many times, we blame our habit of overworking (or as we like to call it 'being overworked') on our boss or our company. I did the same thing as well, as did others that worked with me. However, complaining and blaming the company did not help our situation. What did help? Looking in the mirror. I found out that my time management was poor, my organization could be stronger and my priorities in life were never established. I worked on improving myself and setting my priorities right and better prepared myself for the next heavy season.

Help is always near

The worst thing I did, which lead to the biggest lesson I learned, was not asking for help. I'm the type of person that feels can take on a lot of responsibilities and I feel there is nothing I can't do. However, when things got rough and the load got heavier, I didn't say a thing. After speaking with my supervisor, I was able to get assistance, learned how to delegate better and was able to make it home sooner. At first, I didn't want any help because I didn't want them to go through what I was going through and I also didn't want my team or boss to think that I was incompetent to do the work. My supervisor also recommended some readings so I researched a few books that helped me with my time management. There is always help.

Perhaps I exaggerated a bit by calling what I went through an 'affair' but if you asked my girlfriend at the time, she'd probably say that I left her for my job. The reality is, many of us struggle with finding the right balance between work and life and I hope to cover this topic in the next few blogs. I hope you learn from my mistakes. 

Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.