"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
- Stephen Covey
Two days ago our internet stopped working in our office. We waited a few minutes to see if it would come back and after 30 minutes we made a phone call to Verizon. Verizon told us they couldn't help us because it was a router issue. An hour passed by and we had our staff just waiting to see what we would do. We had to get the internet back because we were behind on our work. Since we no longer have an IT person, we were on our own to figure this out.
The Operations Manager and I went to the router and just saw wires and buttons. We did what any other person would do under these circumstances: we started pressing buttons and moving wires. If there was a button that had a light on or off we would press it. I've never pressed so many buttons in my life! We turned switches off and on or unplugged them and then plugged them back in to see if that would help. The next morning we had someone take a look at what we did. It turns out, we made matters worse because we completely wiped out the router.
As we've been discussing the importance of our Emotional Bank Account (Read Your Emotional Bank Account - When Was The Last Time You Checked It?), it's not only good to know how to make more deposits, but also how to make less withdrawals. Sometimes we continue to press the wrong button in a relationship and that button has a big red withdrawal label. My intention is to help you make less withdrawals.
Seek First To Understand, Then To Be Understood
Sometimes we can be very selfish. We want our needs to be ahead of someone else's. During a conversation or a meeting, we want others to understand us more, but we don't put in the effort to understand others..Are you trying to understand other people? Are you trying to help others? Practice the art of listening and understanding. Practice the art of being engaged.
Examine Your Attitude
Attitude is extremely important. What is your attitude contributing to a relationship? Negativity (aka withdrawals)? Do you bring smiles to your relationships? Do you motivate others or do you crush their dreams? Last week I wrote about true friendship and your circle of influences (Read Valuable Lessons From My Mom: You Are What You Eat And You Who You Hang Around With). Are you the one encouraging others or the friend that believes nothing is possible? Or, plainly, are you the 'angry' one in the relationship or the 'sad' one, the 'jerk' or the 'unmotivated' one. Or, depending on the conversation, are you just 'pressing' the wrong buttons purposely?
Make Promises and Keep Them
Sometimes, we don't want to commit to things with someone because we don't want to let them down. Therefore, we say things like "I don't want to say 'yes' because I have a lot going on" or "I don't want to give you a time." Although you think you might be doing the other person a favor by not making any promises, you are actually missing out on some good deposits. Additionally, the more you do this, the more likely it will become a withdrawal from your Emotional Bank Account. Start by making a simple promise and keeping it. Practice making that small deposit first. Then, continue getting into the habit of making promises and following through. Trust is everything in a relationship. Make others trust you.
Relationships will always be a work in progress. How are you avoiding making too many withdrawals from your relationships? Are you contributing to your relationships or pressing the wrong buttons and wiping out your Emotional Bank Account?
Don't forget to share this blog so you can encourage others: family, co-workers, friends. Give them something to get motivated! You never know what they might be going through. A few words of encouragement can go a long way.
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